It all started when I came across an article online about a couple who tried to have sex everyday for one year. They found themselves in a place where sex had become a pragmatic duty in their relationship. Instead of enjoying it, it had become an obligation that just came with the territory of being married. There is a great line in the article where one couple is recalling their pre-marathon days when they couldn’t remember the last time that they had had sex…not the day, week, month or even season. The whole purpose of their journey was to “rekindle” the flame and “kick-start” their sex-life.
We are starting from a much different position with a much different goal in mind. To start, we are both completely satisfied with where we are in our sexual journey. We both feel as though our senses are more than pleased in the bedroom. I, like most men, have fantastic, sometimes unrealistic expectations of what sex is and how it should function within our marriage but I could not be more happy with where things are and where things are naturally going on their own. My wife (who will also be contributing to this blog) will be the first to admit that she sometimes has to fend me off with a stick (which I think she likes :D), but will admit that she too is more than pleased with where we are.
I realize that “pleased” may mean different things to different people, so let me lay out some hard information that should nail down where exactly we are before we move any further forward. On any given week during a “non-prego” year we average having sex about two and a half times a week. That is roughly 130 times a year. According to the University of Chicago and TIME Magazine, married couples on the high end, are having sex about 109 times a year. So, it seems that we are well above American averages. Clearly, we are not embarking on this journey feeling like we need to have sex more often and as I mentioned above, we are pleased with the quality of our sex as well.
Our goal is much different than the quality and quantity question…what we are after is deeper connection. Now we will both admit that we believe that we have a strong marriage, one that reflects compassion and respect for one another and our children. But we also know that there is always room for improvement and we are always wondering what will take us to the “next level” in our relationship with one another, our children, our God and the people that are closest to us. There are a couple assumptions that we have walking into this journey.
First, we cannot help but believe that sex is much more than a just a physical connection between us. At the heart of it we believe that it is the physical, visual and spiritual result of true intimacy. We believe that sex is a spiritual discipline gives birth to more than just children, but to deeper relationships between us, God and the people around us.
So, that is our starting point. We are really (REALLY) excited about the coming journey! And we can’t wait to share some of what we learn with others. Let the marathon begin.